There are a lot of things going through my mind right now. I am experiencing a little tunnel vision, like I'm stuck in this heart surgery black hole or something. I'm sure there is stuff going on with Abby and Eli that I'm missing out on and my household is beginning to suffer a little bit, the place is a mess and I was late on a few bills; I will be so glad when this is all behind us.
I'm trying to prepare myself for what will happen in the hours and days after Hannah's surgery. I can't decide if it's better to be a nurse or not. I honestly don't remember a lot of cardiac stuff, I was not very good with the cardiovascular system and all the medications and I certainly don't know how you perform the surgery that Hannah will have. All I know is I'm going to hand them my little baby who looks perfectly healthy and when she comes back to me she will look sick. I'm trying to mentally prep myself for that, and I'm packing a big box of kleenex too.
I also feel like I need to explain something. Hannah's heart defects, the PDA, ASD and VSD are some of the most common congenital heart defects. I'm not sure about the statistics, I haven't done to much research online, I'm not sure why that is, but the cardiologist told us that this is one of the easier surgeries the surgeons perform. When compared to some of the other heart defects out there this is a piece of cake. Still, she's my little baby and I've never been through something like this, so to me it's still a big deal.
I've been following another blog on and off for sometime now. If you're in the mood for a good story and a good cry go over to BowensHeart.com. This is the blog by Matt and Sarah Hammitt, Bowen's parents. Matt is the lead singer for the Christian band Sanctus Real and they started the blog after they discovered that their unborn son had hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Bowen recently celebrated his first birthday and he is a little miracle. I've been reading about him since before I was ever pregnant with Hannah but it took on a different meaning after we had her. It has been both terrifying and comforting to read it. If you're at all nervous about Hannah's surgery you may want to wait until after she is stable and recovering, but I would recommend it to everyone.
I will continue to blog with updates from time to time. I look forward to the time when this blog goes back to ranting about raising children and sharing my random and funny thoughts on life. Hannah says hi.
Hi Hannah! Jill, your feelings & words bring back so many memories for me. Hannah is going to do great......you'll be a mess for a while but that's ok. I can remember going through my shifts in a blur - in the end I just took time off - I didn't feel safe with other peoples babies because all I could think of was my baby. Love to you all xx xx xx
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