What am I thinking?

What am I thinking?  I'm not a girl who gets things done.  I think I used to be, but now I'm not so sure.  I was always a bit of a procrastinator, my husband can tell you whenever I had a paper to write or a big test to study for in college I would put it off by cleaning.  I once had a huge paper due for my psych nursing class and I suddenly decided to catalog and rearrange our DVD and VHS (yes VHS) library.

When did I become so unmotivated?  So scatter brained?  So unable to finish a task?  I would like to blame it all on my children, but I don't think they are the cause, I think they just contribute to the final results (or lack thereof).  I reminisce about the days before I had children and I think, "if I only knew then what I know now."  I wonder why my house wasn't spotless and perfectly organized, no clutter on the counters or spoiled cheese in the back of the fridge.  What did we do with all our money?  Why didn't I get eight hours of sleep every night, workout for an hour every morning, eat well balanced meals, drink eight glasses of water, read a new book a week and spend time in my Bible and prayer everyday?

Because this is me, that's why.  So I'm a little scatter brained.  It's hard to believe that someone as self-centered as me (yup, self-centered, not in an egotistical, reality show kind of way, but merely someone who grew up as an only child, never having to share or think about siblings) could be so dim sometimes. You would think I would be a total type-A personality, organized, efficient, motivated.  Don't get me wrong, I have my moments, there are certain areas of my life and home that run like clockwork, but most of the time it's a little cluttered.  Cluttered in my home and my brain.  And I won't lie, having young children definitely doesn't help.  I often start a project only to be interrupted by snack time, the end of nap time, a skinned knee or simply just a request to "come play with me."

So why on earth, with the long list of half finished projects and things-yet-to-be-done around here, would I do something like start a blog?  Maybe I like a challenge, maybe I just like to hear myself talk (see my typed words?)  Do I have deep insight to life as we know it?  Nope.  Growing up as an only child I learned to talk to myself, some times my voice was the only one I heard for hours.  I've always narrated my life a little, like an episode of "The Wonder Years."  I actually used to be quite a writer, humorous and creative.  Those who know me know I can talk for awhile (um, until I loose my voice?) and I would like to think I'm pretty funny.  My best stories?  Why, the stuff that happens everyday, of course.  Stupid things I do around the house, funny kid stories (I will try not to bore you with my endless supply of poop stories), the fabulous interactions between husband and wife, so on and so forth.  I can only hope to keep up on my blogging.  And maybe, just maybe, if I write about stuff it will somehow motivate me.  Motivate me to finish the projects I write about.  Perhaps I will stay a little more accountable if I know I have to put stuff out there.  Maybe writing my thoughts some where will help clear out some of the clutter in my brain!  So that's what I'm thinking.  See, it's working already.